


Longing and belonging

by Melie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kissing, Language, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Making Out, One Shot, Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Touch-Starved, Touching, no actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:52:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melie/pseuds/Melie
Summary: They'd been apart seven weeks, and Kei was ready to break, or at the very least break something.Sometimes coming back can feel worse than leaving.





	Longing and belonging

**Author's Note:**

> *squints at the rating* T would probably be too low yet M seems a little bit high for this actual content so... *throws hands*
> 
> Anyways. I'm officially joining the "Touch-Starved" bandwagon. What a lovely trope.

Sometimes coming back can feel even worse than leaving. (In reality, it probably doesn't, and leaving still seems worse when it's time to leave; they hurt in different ways, and in both cases it's because he's of focusing on the future, a future without or a future with, and waiting for the one to be over or for the other to start is what is killing him.)

There's the pounding of his heart, getting stronger as the bus approaches their destination. He can't focus on anything, he can't even seem to breathe properly, and he always sits at the back so no one will notice and Yamaguchi is kind enough (too kind) to stay quiet and never ever comment on how pathetic Kei looks.

Then there's actually seeing Kuroo but it doesn't stop there, it never does, because now there isn't half a country between them but there might as well be given that they're still not touching. They can't and they won't, not until after training when they can safely sneak away, and it'll be hours of watching Tetsurou being so close, so close he can touch him except that he _can't_.

There's the hand that stops an inch away from his elbow. There's the one that doesn't, there's the arm that wrap itself around Kei's shoulder and in some ways it's even worse because it's not enough, it's never enough at that stage.

There's the eyes that echo his own hunger, the eyes that set themselves on him and make him feel so small and so big at the same time.

By now he doesn't even hate the undignified, sappy mess that he's become, because he's too busy hating that situation and longing, longing for Kuroo's skin, Kuroo's lips, Kuroo's touch.

So, in some ways, coming back feels worse than leaving. Until it's time to leave again.

 

* * *

 

Six weeks and five days. The longest time they'd been apart.

Kei's music was too loud in his ears – he'd felt Yamaguchi pat his arm a couple of times, trying to get him to lower the volume – and yet he couldn't hear any single word, any single note.

Seven fucking weeks and he was ready to break, or at the very least break _something_. His attention had even started wavering in class, which was one hundred percent unacceptable, yet he couldn't stop picturing himself with Tetsurou in a myriad of different ways and he-

He just couldn't stop. And he hated it, hated himself a bit for it, but not as much as he hated that stupid distance, or the stupid scientists that hadn't been able to invent teleportation systems already.

A glance out the window informed him that they were only a couple of minutes away now. Kei knew precisely how the next part would go. He would step off the bus and immediately spot Tetsurou, who would have to contain himself for both of them and greet Daichi first (“if I even start looking at you, I know I won't be able to stop” he'd told Tsukki once, and it was a very silly thing to say but it had made him blush a bit). Kei would look at the ground for a bit and keep walking; by the time he'd reached Kuroo the greetings would be over, and their eyes would meet and they'd say something irrelevant (Tetsurou would make a quip and if he had it in him Kei would quip back).

And it would solve something but not everything because he'd still be craving actual physical contact. He'd have to brace himself for hours of seeing Tetsurou play at the corner of his eye and wishing he was anything from the stupid fucking shirt on his back to the stupider fucking volleyball in his stupid fucking hands. It would be even worse if Karasuno was to play against Nekoma because then there'd be no avoiding how gorgeous Kuroo looked (not that there was much avoiding it in the first place) and his grin every time he blocked one of their spikes would make Kei want to reach across the net and pull him by his collar and kiss him until someone stopped them.

Yamaguchi tapped his shoulder and Kei put the headphones around his neck.

“We're nearly there,” his friend said with a helpful smile, and Kei made sure his glare let him know that he wasn't being helpful at all (he'd apologise for it later and Yamaguchi didn't seem to mind any way, he was nothing if not understanding, to the point of being annoying sometimes).

At last the bus came to a stop, and Kei still couldn't breathe right, the thought of seeing Tetsurou again in a matter of seconds overriding everything. Seven weeks was too long, way too long, and it felt as if he was being crushed by the weight of every single second that had passed since their last meeting.

What a fucking mess.

He dragged himself out of his seat and waited impatiently until everyone else had cleared the bus. His shoes met the concrete and he couldn't look up, not right now, not if he wanted to keep whatever shred of dignity he still had left.

Kei looked up.

Seven weeks must have really scrambled his brains because it seemed that Tetsurou was fucking glowing in the afternoon light, his eyes bright as he teased Daichi, his disaster of a hairstyle even more chaotic than usual, his smile a sword that ran through Kei's entire existence.

He was holding his breath because of course he was, but he managed to stop, let the air fill his lungs again, and stepped forward.

Less than a millisecond after Tetsurou had given Daichi a final nod, his narrow eyes set straight upon Kei, Kei who then decided that he'd had enough, enough, enough of this bullshit and strode faster.

And faster.

Until he got so close (and yet so far) that he could grab Tetsurou's shoulder. And that he did, and it wasn't enough, of course, because it was just cloth he touched and not skin, but still he held tight and stared and stared and stared into those eyes as they reflected his own desperation right back at him.

“Hey,” Tetsurou whispered, a question in his eyes.

“Hey,” Tsukki nodded.

Arms around him, holding tight, too tight, not tight enough. He buried his face in Tetsurou's neck and closed his eyes, felt Tetsurou's sharp intake of breath even more than he heard it.

It wasn't enough still, what Kei wanted, was Kei needed was bare skin against his own, bodies covering each other in a more exhaustive way, but they were holding, hugging, and that was a start, if nothing else, that was a start.

“Never again,” Tetsurou whispered, and they could only agree on that.

“Yeah.”

Kei sighed again, trying to take everything in: Tetsurou's smell, the way his hands rested in his back, his lips against Kei's shoulder.

“Tetsu...”

He'd never even thought of calling him that before (seven weeks really did a number on his mind) but now it felt right, it felt like the only thing he could fucking say. And then Tetsurou was so stunned by it Kei could swear he'd felt him stumble even though they were both perfectly still. So Tetsu it was, then.

Kuroo pulled back an eternity too soon, and when Tsukki looked into his eyes there was no question being asked in them, but he answered it nonetheless, nodding, and then there _was_ a question and the question was _are you sure?_ and he nodded again.

They kissed.

Kei was fully aware of the world around him, of the people staring, but _seven fucking weeks_ had made all that irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. He'd always known their relationship would be made public at some point, he (they) just hadn't bothered doing so before, and now it just seemed like a non-issue.

Because their first kiss in seven weeks tasted as good as their last, and Tetsurou's tongue was teasing his lips and his hand was at the back of Kei's neck and there wasn't much in the world that could compare to that.

When it ended they went back to hugging, and Tsukki rested his head on Kuroo's shoulder, eyes opened and set on the consequences of their actions.

Kageyama and Hinata had never looked more alike than in this moment, both frozen in time with their cheeks red as fire, Hinata's hand lifted slightly as if he was about to point it in Kei's direction. Kenma seemed a bit unfazed by it all, except for that soft smile on his face. Daichi tried his best not to look at them, thoughtful rather than awkward, although Yamaguchi was still doing a better job of it. There was a deep fondness in Suga's eyes as he glanced their way, and Kei found himself oddly touched by it (he _was_ mellowing down, there was no denying it). Finally, Bokuto was waving, and Tsukki nearly waved back before thinking better of it.

“So that's that done, then,” Tetsurou said.

“I guess so.”

“No regrets?”

Kei shrugged.

“Well then, we better get going.”

Neither of them wanted to, but as he pulled away Tetsurou's lips touched Tsukki's temple and it made it a little bit easier to bear, even though he still hadn't had enough yet, even tough the hunger was still gnawing at him somewhere in the back of his mind.

He just needed to hold it in a little while longer.

They held hands as they headed to the gym, and Kei's self-consciousness was starting to catch up with him but he breathed in, breathed out, and apart from Hinata and Kageyama who seemed to had turned into red-faced statues nobody even gave them a second look.

And it felt as nice as it was intimidating, his hand in Kuroo's possessive grip, like an armour that left you bare for the whole world to see.

He'd probably do it all over again if he had to.

And so Kei braced himself for the hours to come, for the exhausting matches he would have to concentrate on, for all the times his attention would slip Tetsurou's way and he'd have to catch himself over and over and over, for the touch he would need but not get for another while.

He could do this and he would, if only because he didn't have any other fucking choice.

 

* * *

 

Dinner time couldn't come soon enough, but it did come eventually. Tetsurou offered his hand with a glint in his eyes and Kei took it without thinking because that was it now, everybody knew so why waste time hesitating. They couldn't skip the whole meal but those first ten, twenty minutes were theirs to own. They had no choice but to own them, because Kei's skin felt like it was actually burning (or something close, less dangerous but close) and he knew, he just knew from the pit of despair that were Tetsurou's eyes that his boyfriend felt the exact same way.

As they walked towards the supply room they knew no one would check, they passed Akaashi dragging a very reluctant Bokuto away in the opposite direction. They didn't stop, and Kei barely heard Akaashi's “not this time come on we gotta leave it to them”, barely saw Bokuto suddenly relax both from that remark and the sight of them, barely caught his “have fun kiddos” (and if he did he definitely ignored it).

The door closed behind them and Kei let Tetsurou pin him against the wall.

Straight to the point.

Kisses first, but Kei wasted no time in lifting up the stupid T-shirt he'd been wanting to trade places with for the last few hours and threw it vengefully to the other side of the small room. The lights were dimmed, half the bulbs gone, but sight wasn't a concern right now. He didn't need it to notice that Tetsurou had gained muscles, no doubt in working out for nationals, and Kei knew that his own arms would not earn him any more of Bokuto's gibes. Tsukki's top soon followed Kuroo's, and finally, finally he was getting what he wanted, what he needed, skin on skin and there was nothing else in the world than that embrace. Kisses in his neck. Hand at his hip. The trail he started leaving himself on Tetsurou's torso.

“Bokuto's going to find himself other blockers for this evening.”

Matter-of-factly, except for the little grunt at the end when Kei's tongue reached a sensitive spot.

“I volunteered Lev, and there'll surely be someone else.”

“I did come here to train,” Kei lied.

“Yeah, well.”

Kuroo's hand went to cup his jaw, and Kei stood up, following his movement.

“Seven fucking weeks,” Tetsurou uttered against his skin, just below his ear. “We'll train tomorrow.”

It was time for holding again, Tetsurou's leg pressed between Kei's, and things were slowly, slowly getting better.

“Say it again,” Kuroo whispered.

“What?”

“Just say it again.”

“Tetsu.”

Tetsurou groaned, louder than Kei had expected, and he felt the shiver against his own skin, and it all turned into a laugh.

“Oh, fuck, okay, change of plan: keep that for the bedroom.”

“Are you serious?”

“Seven fucking weeks and my boyfriend gives me a pet name which he says in the hottest voice ever? Dead serious. But do bring it up again when you're squirming under my tongue.”

“I will have you know that I do not squirm.”

“Hopefully you'll have to revise that statement.”

Yes the lights were dim but he could still see the hint of red on Tetsurou's cheeks, and he would have known it was there anyways, for, Irony, o, Irony, Tetsurou never failed to be a teensy bit embarassed by his own brazenness. A fact which had provided Kei with countless moments of joy.

Right now, though, it only managed to melt whatever was left of his heart, and Kei pressed his lips to Tetsurou's forehead.

Kuroo's hands went under him, lifting Kei's legs up to wrap them around his own waist and soon they were both on the floor, Kei sitting between Kuroo's thighs, and he wished they'd taken the trousers off as well but if they did there would be no coming back and they really couldn't afford to skip dinner.

“I can't wait until we actually don't have to do the waiting part any more.”

“It'll be a while,” Kei replied bitterly.

“Yeah, but we'll get there. I'd really love to forget what it feels like, not having you next to me.”

“It's not as if we're going to be glued to each other for all eternity.”

“Kei... you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.”

He _had_ mellowed down, because the Kei of a few months would probably have given him a different answer. But it didn't matter.

Kisses on shoulder blade, kisses on Tetsu's jaw. A hand stroking his back, a hand in Tetsu's hair.

Kei felt like his body temperature was finally returning to normal. Tetsurou's arms and grin and laughter were home; and home he was and would remain for a little while (not long enough, never long enough, but for a little while nonetheless).

They both knew it was time to get up, and Kei nuzzled Tetsurou's neck once more before doing so. He was fine, now, he was calm, the hunger put at bay (although there remained a lot of excitement for later, but that could wait, yes, it could wait for now).

“Just so you know, Kenma is swapping dorms with you again. He actually offered first, said he wants to spend the evening chatting with Hinata anyway.”

“I'll thank him”, Kei said, meaning it – he'd also need to apologise to Yamaguchi for his earlier crankiness, somehow; maybe a nod and a semi-contrite look would do, but then again, maybe not, and he _was_ trying to improve on that front.

“Yeah, I'm saving so I can preorder him some video game he loves. Season's pass and everything Though of course you didn't hear it from me.”

“Of course.”

Tetsurou offerred his hand again, and Kei took it, again.

“Just so you know,” his boyfriend added, “I don't intend to let go.”

“It'll make eating awkward.”

“We'll figure it out. Plus, if I was in charge of the menu-”

“Let me guess: I'd be on it.”

“Tsukki! How could y-”

“You've said that before.”

Kuroo's laugh was home.

They opened the doors, holding on tight to each other as they extracted themselves from their bubble, eyes squinting in the corridor's bright light.

Coming back could feel worse than leaving, in some ways, but it eventually passed, and then all Kei knew was contentment, the smile he couldn't keep down, and Tetsu's hand in his. And he could breathe just fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're looking for me, [I'll be over there.](https://media.giphy.com/media/LP3UVL8C5ory8/200.gif)


End file.
